The Power Of Our Thoughts

We all know what it’s like to have recurring thoughts that totally consume us. It may be a thought that convinces us to “chicken out” of a new experience, a thought that shifts our sense of self worth, or a thought that makes our heart race and our body begin to sweat. Our thoughts are incredibly powerful. But what if they didn’t have to be?

Thoughts As The Main Character 

So often, our thoughts end up  driving what we do and how we feel. When we find ourselves holding on tightly to persistent thoughts (you may know them more affectionately as  worries, beliefs, or impulses), that leads to accepting those thoughts as absolute truth or allowing ourselves to be controlled by them. If our thoughts have become the main character, you may have the urge to always obey those powerful thoughts. (ex: “I don’t like __ about my appearance, so I must __.”) Another way this manifests is when thoughts consume our attention to the point that we are no longer fully present in our personal or work life. We may end up depleting our enjoyment of activities we once looked forward to, and we may even withdraw. (ex: “Everyone in my life thinks I’m __ so I’m not going to __ anymore.” )

What Can I Do?

To start, you have to understand that you have another choice. ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy) refers to this choice as  defusion.  Defusion means that we  respond to our thoughts in a more flexible way, and allow them to take more of a metaphorical  back seat in our lives. Imagine being able to separate yourself from your thoughts like two attached pieces of velcro. Pretty satisfying, right? We cannot control the thoughts that pop into our head, but we can control the degree to which we let them control us.

Where Do I Start?

• “I’m having the thought that…”
• When we use the sentence starter, “I am,” we are choosing to accept that thought as truth. For example, someone might think, “I am worthless.” Allowing our thoughts to exist in this way gives them a great deal of power, and they will inevitably influence our beliefs, feelings and actions when presented this way. Instead, create a degree of separation from the negative thought. To do this, you could instead  say, “I’m having the thought that I’m worthless.” This shift creates a degree of separation between you and the thought. This tiny adjustment allows you to choose whether or not to believe that negative thought and to decide whether or not to allow it to influence you.
• Meditation and Visualization 
• No matter how fused we feel to our thoughts, we can learn to coexist with them rather than be dominated by them. If you find yourself stuck in a doom loop with a particularly pesky thought, take some time to ground yourself, breathe deeply and start a new relationship with the thought. 
• You might do this by visualizing a cup of oil and water. You are the water and your thoughts are the oil floating around on top. Try to think of these thoughts not as positive, negative, true or false, but just words floating around, unable to penetrate your water. Observe them floating and allow the emotion or intensity attached to the thoughts to slowly fade.
• Another practice worth trying is to imagine writing your pesky thought on a sheet of paper. Visualize yourself folding up that piece of paper, and sticking it in your pocket. Your thought is present, but it does not have to be front of mind. (Pro tip: If visualizing doesn’t come easily, do this practice with a real sheet of paper.)

It is totally normal to get carried away by our thoughts, but the truth is, we don’t have to be. The goal is not to erase our thoughts but to instead change our relationship with them. Be patient and kind to yourself as you work to change this relationship. Like most good things, it takes time.