Summer is here! Temperatures are rising, CDC guidelines are loosening, and beach trips and community pools are sure to be popular as we transition to post-quarantine life. For some of us, that means showing off a home gym fitness transformation or an online shopping wardrobe that’s been eager to emerge. And whether in person or on a screen, comparing ourselves to what we see is a natural response.
The good news is that social comparison can lead to motivation for personal development; the bad news is that it can lead to negative perceptions about ourselves – a precursor to diminished self esteem and even depression.
So how do we protect our self-worth in light of the opportunities to engage in social comparison this season?
An initial response to that question might be to disengage: stay home, delete your social media apps. Okay, but then what? That strategy decreases some of the situations in which we could engage in negative social comparison, but could easily be replaced with other opportunities, for example a character on television. And more importantly, disengaging would mean missing out on activities and people that we enjoy! Taking a break from friends or social media from time to time can be a nice way to recharge, but fully abstaining from social activities can lead to its own set of difficulties.
If taking ourselves out of these situations isn’t ideal, then what is?
A good first step is to pay attention. We may not be fully aware of when we are comparing ourselves to others. If you catch yourself feeling uncomfortable, intimidated, or bummed while in a social setting or browsing social media, take note of it. No, but really, it could help to write it down.
Take a moment to acknowledge that it’s normal to experience uncomfortable thoughts and feelings.
Do you notice any common themes? If you aren’t able to pinpoint any of these situations or common themes, that’s okay. This next step can be helpful to promote a positive sense of self for people at various levels of their healing journey. While in a comfortable space, take a moment to list three things you really like about yourself. This could be in your mind or a physical list, a note in your phone is a good option. This can also be done with a friend or family member – in that version, you each list your three favorite things about each other and exchange lists. You now have your own personalized set of affirmations!
“You can do it” and “You matter” get the job done, but phrases tailored for you, by someone you care about is *chef’s kiss.*
There are various ways to use affirmations (perhaps this could be addressed in a future post) and they can be an important part of relieving distressing feelings or thoughts that may arise from social comparison. Consider this: after noticing the feeling or thought, remember that is it normal, pick one of your affirmations to recite in your head or out loud, then continue on with your day. Over time, practicing those steps can help us better accept ourselves – even when we have uncomfortable thoughts – and decrease the power that negative thoughts or feelings have over our well-being.
If you find yourself continuing to struggle with uncomfortable thoughts, and they interfere with your day to day life, a mental health professional could provide additional support. If you have thoughts of injuring yourself or others, please contact crisis support such as Crisis Text Line or the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline.